Friday, April 27, 2007
not over it yet
this was from chrystal's blog, 15th april. i've been meaning to blog about it but didn't find the time to. oh, and when she says 'win' or 'lose', she refers to a debate.
"syf is dangerous season. yes they put in perhaps more time than i have but i dare say i can equate my passion to theirs and at the end of the day, someone would have to win, and its not like the losing party doesn't gain anything at all! whatever happened to it's for the experience?! so what if you could have done better, so what if you lose or didn't meet expectation? SO WHAT?! i really don't see how others take it. i mean, i'll that typical sore loser who gets over it with time after i question myself why i even bother."
chrystal, please don't take this as an offence yeah. we always do this on bus rides home and now that i hardly go home with you anymore, i have no one to rebut. HAHA. just kidding :D
well anyway, this is directed at everyone. yes, i agree with lots of stuff said above, i am in no position to say that we wanted a good result for SYF anymore than DOS wants to win. sure, we gain vital experience, lots of it, especially by the many assembly performances when we had to report at 6.30 am to train ourselves to get used to the audience, to get used to judges. i believe experience is very important.
so what if we could have done better? well, how do you feel when you lost say, 10 marks in an exam through careless mistakes, when you just need that 10 more marks to pass? mind you,
careless mistakes. surely you would learn from your mistakes, but of course you'd feel angry and disappointed. you could have passed, but didn't, JUST because of a few trivial reasons. you work so hard studying and you could have at least passed it, but because of those silly mistakes, your passing grade just slipped out of your hands.
so what if we lose? well, what if this 'exam' determines your next school? like the o levels. THIS if what if we lose. we have lost a band room we never had. you must understand the importance of a band room. it's not about convenience, it's about getting the right sound, about IMPROVING. right now, we have lost whatever chances we had of getting a band room, the school doesn't trust us anymore. they are asking "what if we get you a band room and you don't improve?" we would then have to wait for the next SYF to prove ourselves, which we ATTEMPTED to do this year. moreover, SYF comes once in two years, unlike any normal exam which comes in like, three times a year. we have waited two years for SYF, working hard and probably even trying to make our seniors, the school, everyone, proud of us. do we have to wait yet another two more years for such an opportunity to come again?
but what i really think is that the real thing that causes people to break down and cry is disappointment. when we got a silver in Hawaii, what we thought was that we have already secured AT LEAST a silver in Singapore, all we had to do was play at least the same standard as we did in Hawaii. whenever people have high expectations of themselves, and find that the result was the total opposite, it comes as a much heavier blow as compared to when the person expects much less. i'm not saying that the DOS girls expected to lose. i'm not at all. but i mean, the silver or gold meant a lot to us, even more so to the school. it meant respect, it meant a band room, it meant AUSTRALIA. to an o level candidate, it would mean her future. so that is so what.
yes, i'm done. and this post was not meant to stir up any feelings, if you disagree with anything i've said, go ahead and tell me, especially chrystal. and i'm also sorry for the lame analogies, like exams, i think i'm really in the exam mood now, and i've banned myself from the computer. i just let myself write this post cus i think it might help my argumentitive essays, which i sooo totally can't do. one sided-ness? yes, very much. alright then, all the best for your exams people, you better have had started studying. *cough*GEN*cough*
GONE SHOPPING, 4/27/2007 07:52:00 pm
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
you are so not my girlfriend anymore, girlfriend
ohmygoshohmygoshohmygosh OH MY GOSH! i swear, i am SOOOOO gonna have a BITCH FIT.
the day was super nice cus it was BEN AND JERRY'S FREE CONE DAY!!! i went with anne and got a chocolate fudge brownie :D and there was a long queue but it moved really fast! and i saw so many juniors and i was all happyhappy. then after finishing my cone (which was uber yummelicious by the way), i saw lydia, and i waved frantically at her, then a few other juniors popped out from behind her, one of which included michelle, the trumpeter. and i waved frantically at her too. then i realised something. she was carrying a New Urban Bag, not ANY new urban male bag, but MY new urban male bag! ohmygoshohmygoshohmygosh *hyperventilates* OH MY GOSH!!! go away la, go get some EmiiLy dA sTrAnGeEe bag la. then we went onto the mrt and i was ranting about it to anne AND THEN, we saw ANOTHER sacian with MY new urban male bag!!!! -starts slitting wrists- so, we purposely walked past her on the train and kept giving her the bitch stare. even after sitting down, we kept giving evil glances.
my gosh, i have never EVER
NEVER EVERRR seen anyone of the GENERAL PUBLIC wear the same bag as me, much less an sacian. and today, i met TWO SACIANS in a row with the same bag as me!
THAT'S IT. i am going to wear my NUM bag EVERYDAY to school from now on to show then that
I AM THE MAN and only i can wear that bag. i have a good mind to get my GANG to bash them up like prata. but first, i need to get a gang.
anyway, i still look the best wearing that bag.
GONE SHOPPING, 4/17/2007 07:04:00 pm
Friday, April 13, 2007
bronze? HAHAHAHA
"band number 12. blahblahblah secondary school, GOLD.
-suspense-
then we had lunch
-laughlaugh-
band number 13. St Anthony's Canossian Secondary School...
BRONZE"
i thought it was a joke, i really did. and i even waited for the real result.
but there wasn't any. i don't understand why. are we in denial? we may be, but we played much better than in hawaii, then how could we get a silver there and a bronze here?
ms lim (after we came back from hawaii with our silver, apparently she thought we did really well) : there's a lesson to learn here, if you put in a lot of hardwork, you get very good results. if you put in nothing, you won't get anything good. (or somewhere along those lines)
we poured our blood, sweat and tears into SYF, and we got a bronze. then tell me, what on earth do we have to do to get anything better?
do you know what it's like to put so much effort and time into something, only to fail? i don't think anyone should deserve to feel that way. and for a short moment, i almost regretted telling the juniors to work harder for the next SYF because the same thing that happened to us might happen to them too. but then i realised that it was selfish and stupid because who knows? they could bring the band to excellence. who am i to risk this for MY fear of disappointment?
at the spiral staircase on monday morning:
person A: do you think band would get a gold?
person B: hell, i think they would get a gold with honours.
i'm sorry everyone for letting you down, we truely tried very hard, apparently not hard enough.
i'm sorry to the seniors. i'm sorry to the juniors. i'm sorry to angklung and the guitar ensemble. i'm even sorry to that CO girl who went "huh? CB got bronze? heng ah, then we don't need to feel so bad anymore."
maybe it's really denial, but what went wrong?
WHY.
mr. choo is the best. "you will always be a gold band in my eyes".
it was the last band day today for me, no more this, no more that. i didn't cry, i've been giving myself excuses that i'll probably be coming back a whole lot. but now that i think about it, it won't be the same anymore because i won't feel part of the band anymore. i'll become an intruder. an outsider. a
stranger.
oh gosh,
i feel like crying now. haha, i guess what they said about my slowness is true, hahahahaha.
though i feel bad, i feel like we're leaving on a bad note, getting a bronze, then quickly zhao. but i suppose there's a greater sense of accomplishment. i'm proud of how much time and commitment i put into the band, coming back on sick days to conduct sectionals, buying all that Time Out for the juniors and mostly, pushing them to what they are now. i'm proud of my juniors and what they have become. i never thought i'd feel this reluctant to leave, not even at the start of this post.
i MUST get a life.
GONE SHOPPING, 4/13/2007 08:18:00 pm
