Friday, April 13, 2007
bronze? HAHAHAHA
"band number 12. blahblahblah secondary school, GOLD.
-suspense-
then we had lunch
-laughlaugh-
band number 13. St Anthony's Canossian Secondary School...
BRONZE"
i thought it was a joke, i really did. and i even waited for the real result.
but there wasn't any. i don't understand why. are we in denial? we may be, but we played much better than in hawaii, then how could we get a silver there and a bronze here?
ms lim (after we came back from hawaii with our silver, apparently she thought we did really well) : there's a lesson to learn here, if you put in a lot of hardwork, you get very good results. if you put in nothing, you won't get anything good. (or somewhere along those lines)
we poured our blood, sweat and tears into SYF, and we got a bronze. then tell me, what on earth do we have to do to get anything better?
do you know what it's like to put so much effort and time into something, only to fail? i don't think anyone should deserve to feel that way. and for a short moment, i almost regretted telling the juniors to work harder for the next SYF because the same thing that happened to us might happen to them too. but then i realised that it was selfish and stupid because who knows? they could bring the band to excellence. who am i to risk this for MY fear of disappointment?
at the spiral staircase on monday morning:
person A: do you think band would get a gold?
person B: hell, i think they would get a gold with honours.
i'm sorry everyone for letting you down, we truely tried very hard, apparently not hard enough.
i'm sorry to the seniors. i'm sorry to the juniors. i'm sorry to angklung and the guitar ensemble. i'm even sorry to that CO girl who went "huh? CB got bronze? heng ah, then we don't need to feel so bad anymore."
maybe it's really denial, but what went wrong?
WHY.
mr. choo is the best. "you will always be a gold band in my eyes".
it was the last band day today for me, no more this, no more that. i didn't cry, i've been giving myself excuses that i'll probably be coming back a whole lot. but now that i think about it, it won't be the same anymore because i won't feel part of the band anymore. i'll become an intruder. an outsider. a
stranger.
oh gosh,
i feel like crying now. haha, i guess what they said about my slowness is true, hahahahaha.
though i feel bad, i feel like we're leaving on a bad note, getting a bronze, then quickly zhao. but i suppose there's a greater sense of accomplishment. i'm proud of how much time and commitment i put into the band, coming back on sick days to conduct sectionals, buying all that Time Out for the juniors and mostly, pushing them to what they are now. i'm proud of my juniors and what they have become. i never thought i'd feel this reluctant to leave, not even at the start of this post.
i MUST get a life.
GONE SHOPPING, 4/13/2007 08:18:00 pm
